No news and no shoes in the magnificent Maldives

“Treat yourself!”

The catchphrase, from the American comedy Parks and Rec, is the only way to describe luxury resort Gili Lankanfushi. A one-night stay costs around €1,480 for two people sharing.

Every villa here looks out onto the ocean, with a private lagoon just for you. Some even have a pool, if the ocean proves insufficient to your needs. Your not-so-humble abode has a separate bedroom, sitting room and bathroom, with a gallery above with another bed if you feel like sleeping under the stars.

I think you could only justify coming to Gili Lankanfushi in the Maldives if you are a: loaded, b: on your honeymoon, or c: looking for a reason to blow that cash you saved during the pandemic and want to tick a once-in-a-lifetime experience off your bucket list.

Chief executive of the Irish Travel Agents Association Pat Dawson says the market for luxury travel is holding up well here, even as inflation bites.

“When Covid lifted, people were saying, ‘To hell with it, you only live once.’ Long-haul, people are going for the higher end. Certainly there has been a pick up — there is no doubt about that. People are not scrounging over a couple of hundred euro when they travel long-haul,” he adds.

Overall, Dawson says long-haul, luxury holidays account for about 10-12pc of the outbound tourism market from Ireland.

One fellow visitor to the Maldives says her sister-in-law has gone so far as to sell her place in London and is sailing across the Atlantic, kids in tow.

Now that’s commitment.

I’m a guest of the resort, on a press trip. I know I’ll likely never be able to afford all this myself. Flights included, the trip is probably worth about €7,500 for three nights. That includes accommodation and all the trimmings, but not my very jealous, Irish-bound other half — who would have added significantly to the cost of the trip.

As if to hammer home the point, I’m reading Andrew Marr’s book on journalism and I come across a paragraph about the intersection of PR and the media.

“If you take the money, in the form of plane tickets or swanky clothes, you have entered a bargain. And you feel awkward, at least a little, about not delivering — a paragraph here, a commercially useful little gush or adjective there.”

This warning feels particularly feeble en route home from dolphin spotting. A spectacular sunset looks like a cliché of a painting. You know the one. A big ball of orange descending below the horizon, clouds partially eclipsing it, with an island in the foreground tickling the bottom of the painting. It’s hard to maintain a sceptical stance.

Which is, of course, rather the point.

Other signals that I am in a place where I likely won’t tread again come from staff who say that some customers like to pay in cash. Or when gossip is confirmed about senior British royals.

The resort says it is sustainable and encourages customers to “help us to help the environment”. This seems a genuinely held position. Unused food is used as compost, and the resort has a strict ‘no plastics’ policy and recycles everything it can on the island. The culinary team works with local fishermen to ensure they only purchase fish that have a healthy and sustainable population.

But I feel that this play for sustainability does jar against other elements of the resort. The every need of the customer is catered to. One wealthy client requested a baby grand piano for their villa, for example. The resort made this happen… and the piano wasn’t touched for the whole week.

The astute reader will also note that you can hardly fly to the Maldives and not leave a massive carbon footprint, but Gili Lankanfushi can hardly be held responsible for that.

If all this sounds like complaining, it’s not. The resort is world class. With your own butler, picture-perfect beaches and a chef whose enthusiasm for the job would make you want to cook more than just pasta for dinner, little feels out of reach in this place.

On the first evening, we join a wine and cheese tasting event. A 2016 Jose Zuccardi Malbec is the highlight, with a fruity aroma and flavours of blackberry. The cheeses are matched perfectly to the wines. One of them is 70pc fat. Gluttony abounds.

And yet, the resort maintains a distinctly rustic feel, with no airs or graces, which is its calling card. The “no news, no shoes” ethos does not appear to entice filthy-rich guests, who prefer other, nouveau-riche island resorts.

The food is, of course, sumptuous.

From the almost-liquid beef shawarma on the first night to the plant-based tasting experience we enjoyed on another evening, there is a high-quality food experience to cater for all taste buds. Though I have to say, the beef Okonomiyaki from the Japanese restaurant felt too rich and heavy for me, especially after a couple of glasses of wine.

A personal highlight of the trip is the snorkelling, something I’ve never done before. Whether it’s the sharks, turtles, the fish with colours reminiscent of an Adidas top from the 1990s, or the multicoloured clams, it’s a magical experience. Weak swimmers beware though... a strong current can make it difficult to swim back.

If the Maldives is on the bucket list and you have money to burn, put Gili Lankanfushi on your list.

Don’t miss...

The plant-based menu experience with Hari, the head chef. Whether it’s the risotto, BBQ eggplant striploin steak, or the avocado and mango raw plant-based cake, you’ll feel inspired afterwards. Hari’s enthusiasm is infectious.

Do it

Return flights from Dublin to the Maldives, with at least one stop, start from around €800. Brian flew with Qatar Airways via Doha.

Nightly B&B rates at Gili Lankanfushi start from €1,480, based on two adults sharing a villa suite. All other activities on the island cost extra. Brian was a guest of the resort. gili-lankanfushi.com

More info

Snorkelling on the local reef is well worth splashing out on, as is the wine and cheese tasting. You can also book a tennis lesson with a pro.